She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
