Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
