I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
