This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I want her autograph on my taint
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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