He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
