i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just high enough for therapy.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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