I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
