i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
