As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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