mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
