he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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