Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
