oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize