There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize