Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
