The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
