I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
