Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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