I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize