so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
