i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
