is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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