My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
