I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
