So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
