I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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