Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize