you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
