I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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