It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
