She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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