I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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