last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
A+ Viking dick
I think I just sharted jello shots
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