if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
