I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
