I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
