at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
