So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
