Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize