Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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