I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
