Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
