Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
