where does the pee come out of this thing
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
