I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
