awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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