I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
