and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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