great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
