you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
