Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
