Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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