we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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