Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
