Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
