I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize