I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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