just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
