i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sorry my hands just texted you
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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