I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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