Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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