I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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