I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
