Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
