I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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