There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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