the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she smelled like a LAN party
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
