oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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