I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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