just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
