we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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