I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
