Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
is wine microwaveable?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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