I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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