He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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