I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
