I intend to get homeless drunk
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
