no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
