Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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