At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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