I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she was so not down for the gang bang
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
