4 words: hood of his car
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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