The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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