dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
