she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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