wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
