As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
