Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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