I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
