one two three fourrrrnication!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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