dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
this hospital has no fireball
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
