when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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