I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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