hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
