Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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