So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
