Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
