I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
